Yatrigan kripya dhyan dein..

“yatrigan kripya dhyan dein Nagpur se chalkar  Hazrat Nizamuddin jane wali gaadi sankhya 12345 always late express apne nirdharit samay se 3 ghante ki deri se chal rahi hai.. aapko hui asuvidha ke liye hume khed hai” 

With that my wish of reaching home on time went down the drain. With few hours in my hand, I thought of finishing up the novel which I had but thanks to our “suvidha janak” railway stations, I was left wondering about the various “asuvidhas” which were around me. I don’t have any intentions of going to the jail hence no rants about any particular “educated” minister although I can do a phD thesis on the efficiency of these inefficient ministers and their ministries. These are just the observations which I made which spending those bloody 3.5 hours at the station on a sultry and oppressive afternoon.

1. Most efficient people –  Bhaisahab & Behenjis at the ticket & platform ticket counter: Amongst the most efficient employees of the railways. They are so punctual that even the clock forgets whether it is on time or not. One interaction with them, and you think it is you made them do some bonded labor task.  I urge those who on every Saturday collects coins in the name of Shani Maharaj to exchange them with these people, they are always short on change but long on paper money. Also, they hardly talk politely as if it has some service tax.
2. Allah ke naam pe dede baba..teri Jodi salamat rakhe – The beggars: WTH! Dude/Dudette! Am single! What Jodi are you talking about? I am sympathetic towards the needy but these particular sect of unorganized employees forces you to run away inspite of having those large no. of bags with you. Give something to one of them and just see the repercussions. You’ll realize what crime you’ve committed. All those lessons on family planning, which you thought were being inculcated to these needy ones were just waste of resources, out of nowhere dozens of kids will surround you with cries of “humka bhi de do bhaiya..thoda humka bhi”. Talk about inflation, they directly ask for 5 bucks or 10 bucks depending upon your attire and the number of bags you have. 
3. Rodents and Canines and surprisingly no Felines: Stand at the edge of the platform and you’ll know how a Tom & Jerry set looks like, although Tom is replaced by malnourished Spike/Tike. Those fat, ugly rats can make any mortal shout at the top of his voice.Yes! I hate rodents especially rats.
4. The most amazing creature or should I say a specie in itself: The Train Ticket Examiner:  He is one examiner who you’d want as your college examiner.  As soon as he enters the coach or even while the train hasn’t departed, he is surrounded by dozens of homosapiens. Inside the compartment, the scene often looks similar to a WTO conference. At the end of the conference, few of the members have a 440KV smile but the convener bears a 1000KV grin along with a pocket which is now 50 times heavier than it was at the commencement of the conference ;)
5.  Oh that freaking group! : You must have heard about buy 1 get 1 free, buy 2 get 4 free but have you ever come across a scenario of buy 1 get 20 free? Well I’m referring to those huge families and their stereotypical mindset where all the family members are present on the station to see off one person! Their farewells, tears and hugs gives an impression that somebody has died or is going on a war!
6. The young,dashing and handsome guys and sexy babes in Khakhi, the police force: Confused? Yeah, I over exaggerated it. I’m yet to spot a single policemen/women at this station. It’s the hub of the central railways but surprisingly the hub is without any police patrol. I suppose, Security comes into play only when some high rank official is scheduled to visit the station.

Anyways, Travelling by train always mesmerizes me. There are many more observations, but I’ll preserve them for another post maybe.  I’ve boarded the train, I hear the standard railway female voice announcing the departure of my train with a sarcastic wish - Hum aapki sukhad  aiwam mangalmay yaatra ki kaamna karte hain. Aasha hai ki aap hume aapki sewa karne ka punha afsar denge! 

Arrghh! Monopoly sucks!