Elevators and hoi polloi

I read somewhere that on an average a software engineer works on and above 3rd floor. Life of a SE is full of ups and downs, quite literally. He takes the elevator!


Otis invented this wonderful machine which does all the up and down movements for you on the push of a single button. Elevators are preponderant when it comes to high rises. Just imagine the pain of climbing a 6 floors by stairs multiple times in a day.  Normally we spend 3-4 mins in an elevator but just in case you are a lift operator you might be spending the complete 8 hours shift inside the moving cuboid. But since you are reading this blog am sure you're not a lift operator.



Lifts are a problem for those who travel more than 10-15 floors and those with extremely slow elevators, well you might be spending 5-8 mins inside the lift. As a token of kindness and sympathy I forgive you and this post caters to your interests.Hence, Read On!


The various species which you might find in an elevator are:


Name: Driver a.k.a Operator a.k.a. Lift wale bhaiya    | Gender: Male


Has only one question for everybody “Which floor?” If you've already pressed the button, he is sure to get upset. Stands next to the buttons as if they are the key to some secret vault. The only person who has the luxury of sitting.


Name: The Judge a.k.a Taadne wala  | Gender: Male/Female/Can't Say
This he/she joker does a X Ray scan within a span of 2mins and will leave you pondering why can't they substitute the X Ray machines at the airport! They scan you from eye to toe as if marking against some check sheet.  They might notice your wedding ring, jewellery, which company you could be working in, earnings, shoe cost, perfume and what not!


Name: The Starer a.k.a GhuruMaster  | Gender: Preferably a male
This is mostly a man. His job is to stare at anybody who enters the lift. A stare back doesn’t discourage this guy. The fact that the stare is going to last only 30+ seconds helps. Mind you, he doesn’t just stare at women….men also end up being his target. These are mostly men like me – going thro’ a midlife crisis and trying to make contact with any of life form.


Name: The Mobile Store a.k.a. chalta firta PCO | Gender: Male/Female/Can't say


People generally don't get signals in the lift forget about the content delivery but they always get texts/mails/mms'es when they are in a lift ..weird! ! When there is no activity on their phone, they snap out their devices and send out a few SMS..just to hear toing toing? The mobile that’s involved here is a smartphone esp. a Blackberry, an iPhone or a tab these days.


 Name: Aromatizing Woman a.k.a Khushboo ki dukaan | Gender: Female 


Whether be it the office lift or any other elevator, sensing this character is a piece of cake even for a cold struck person. Characterized by heels, dark, tight trousers with white/light short shirt, has a big handbag which is capable of carrying your remains! Another important feature of this taxon is that they have a scarf around her neck and is holding a file or a diary against her bosom (as if they are the property papers!). <click><click> The sound which her heels make, she steps into the lift and sets the adrenalin rush amongst the men inside. Chances are the man might miss his floor in spite of pressing the floor button of the lift. Hence if you come across a man who has missed his floor, chances are this black magic woman must be around!


Name: The property dealer a.k.a Ghar wala | Gender:  Male


Gets in a lift talking, asks the other person on the call to call back as he is in the lift. Presses 8th floor and keeps on going outside at whichever floor the lift stops just to realizes he is on the wrong floor and then reboots!


Name: Back-to-the-door person a.k.a Ulta insaan | Gender: Male/Female/Can't Say


Most likey This can either be a man or a woman and is most likely to be 40+ in age. For some very queer reason, they prefer facing you rather than their butts facing you. They don't take the pain of changing the odd posture till they reach their destination. For Christ's sake if you are able to stand with your back towards the door, you'd be able to stand with your butts towards others! No matter how many times the lift door opens, these statues of liberties maintain the same orientation. Not sure whether they are dyslexic<reason beyond explanation>

Comments

  1. thinkstersakiMonday, October 01, 2012 1:20:00 AM

    that is such a fun post!!!!! loved it :) :)
    P.S. : u might have missed a few other stereotypes :P :P

    ReplyDelete
  2. MaddieeMonday, October 01, 2012 1:22:00 AM

    feel free to add some more :)

    ReplyDelete

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