Jams - Farting petrol and diesel

Instead of 'in a pickle' the phrase should have been 'in a jam', I argued with my friend. Staying in the NCR for like around 23 years now, Jams are a part of my life. Be it the Pineapple jam or traffic jam. But, a traffic jam is the last place I'd want to be on any day.

You'll call the day unlucky if it rained when you are going for an interview, but that's before you find yourself stuck in a fantasy land of honking babies, farting away petrol and diesel with red hot grown ups(hopefully) behind the wheel. Jams are probably the reason Delhi has so many roadside shops selling eatables, decorative items, medicines etc. Soon a day will dawn upon us, when people will buy a vehicle while stuck in a jam! Interestingly, none of the food joints on the road side have Jam Bread on their menu, in spite of the fact that one of the ingredients is available in abundance and that too for free. What a business idea sirjee!

From naming a jam as peak hour(Ohh dear Everest, you are a baby in front of this peak) traffic to widening of roads, we’ve done many things to overcome this calamity but getting deeper into this problem is like falling into a dream after popping 2-3 sleeping pills.

Why there aren't any superheroes from India? Well, the only reason I can think of is traffic jam. He Man would be smashed if he shows his power on a honking baby by our beloved citizens from the northern state of ghee-makhan, Batman won't be able to move his bat mobile, spider man would get stuck in the jungle of electric wires running above which even Kirchoff will fail to solve. But then, as Indians we have our jugaad in place, super heroes who won't be driving and as a result we have Krrish who jumps here and there without any support, then there's this guy who lived in a desert, rode horses(AB Baby movie) and now there's Ra-One who does some shitty stuff. Moral - If superheroes can't overcome this jam, how can we?

So what can one do to pass time a traffic jam?

  • Yum-Yum-Yes - As Ceat says, the streets are full of idiots, so make a video and upload it on facebook.
  • SMS Phooonyy Zokes - People come up with all sorts of weird babelism when they are frustrated. So crack some zokes, dheelofy your pocket and share it with friends.
  • Talk to beggars - Okay, this may sound strange but then once I actually did that. While the conversation was going on, the beggar revealed that the had a pan card and earns handsomely. Hope this rings the bell of some HR head.
  • Call the traffic control room, talk to the weird and rudely sounding mahila, then take your time to recuperate from the shock.
  • Dial the god's helpline and start praying that you don't want to go to hell.
  • Close your eyes and sleep, you have hell lot of honking alarms to wake you up.
  • Take out your phone and start playing.
  • Unleash your social networking power, poke people on facebook, post some random update, make some scandalous comment and defend yourself.
  • Start a part time business, keep few sell-able items in the boot of your car and when in Jam, start selling them.
Once you start doing any of the above, do contact me for sending in the royalty cheque.Mind it! 

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